About Me

I am a 33 year old mum of two who has spent her entire teenage and adult life struggling with her weight. I am not going to struggle with it anymore. I am in charge!

Saturday, 30 April 2011

How many times have I given up. Let me see...

I honestly couldn't count how many times. But I can remember some.

I wasn't really too aware of my weight in secondary school. I knew I wasn't skinny but I didn't think I was too bad. Then a cousin asked me how much I weighed. I must have been about 14 I think and the answer was 10 stone something. Her shocked face said a lot and I mumbled something about not really being worried as long as I never got to 11 stone something.

By the time I was at college (16 ish) I was about 11 stone. I didn't care.

By the time I was 20 I was still 11stone something. About 11stone 7lbs I think. I had been in a pretty crappy (sorry) relationship where I let myself be walked all over since I was 15. We also used to visit pizza hut. Weekly. Nuff said! I tried to lose some weight by cutting calories/fat to maximum of 1000kcals/20g fat and got to about 10 stone 7lbs. I finally had the courage to end the relationship and lost another 5lbs or so. It was the relief of being out of it.

I soon got together with my now husband (who I'd known since we were 13) and happiness and being comfortable saw me at 11 stone again by the time I was 21.

By the time I was 22 I was 11stone 7 lbs. This rose to 12 stone 7 lbs by the time I was 23 1/2. When we got married at 24 I was 12stone 2 lbs. A few times I would half heartedly cut back on my food. But the biggest problem was I would then binge. Out of control masses of sweets, crisps and chocolate. I managed to unravel the reasons and sort of got a hold of it.

A few weeks after getting married I was pregnant with DD. My best friend died when I was 8 weeks pregnant. Straight after giving birth I was 13stone 7 lbs. By the time DD was 7 months old I was 14 stone 7lbs. (No that isn't a typo, I really did gain a stone after giving birth). You know that noise of a needle going across a record (ok, you might not if you are any younger than me) it was like that. I managed to lose 2 stone over the next 2 1/2 years and then got pregnant again when I was 12stone 4 lbs. After DS was born when I was 29 I was 13 1/2 stone. There was no way I was gaining weight AFTER giving birth this time so I was able to stick at that for 18 months then lost 1stone 10 pounds. By the time I got to the beginning of this year I had regained 1 stone of that after my wonderful Granny died and I was in a haze of sadness for over a year. That was my needle/record moment again. I plodded for a while going up/down a few pounds then decided enough was enough.

Here we are now. Enough is enough. I have lost 7 lbs since then (almost 5 weeks ago). And I just worked out that 14 stone 7 lbs is 203 lbs. I never realised before now I had been that big. I know there are a lot of people who are working damn hard to lose from more than that but I am only 5 feet 1 1/2 inches. I don't have ANY photos from that time but from pictures I have looked at where I was a good 1 stone (14 pounds) less than that I must have looked absurd!

So no, I can't remember how many times I have given up. I can remember vividly, it would seem, how much I weighed at various points in my life. I'm not letting that happen any more. If we have more children I don't want to look back and think 'oh yes, I weighed x then'. When we move house I don't want to be able to look back and connect it with a number on the scales. I want those kind of things to be separate. I am going to reach a point where I know that I feel good and I am a healthy weight. I know that I won't ever be able to drop it from my mind completely. I will always need those scales to keep an eye on it and I will always need to be aware of what I am putting in my mouth. But I am going to reach the point where I rule it and not the other way around.


  1. Good for you! I am glad you worked out the pounds because I have no idea what the equivalent of stones to pounds is.

  2. Lol. I was thinking that on other posts. Basically 14 pounds = 1 stone so 12 stone 7 1/2 pounds which is where I started at a few weeks ago = 175.5 pounds. I have to work it out in reverse when I am reading US blogs because to me xxx pounds means very little until I have converted it to stones/pounds.

  3. I do the same thing with rememberin weights to dates.I hope you get to not think about it to!

  4. today is the only day that matters....I too gained after each child. You can do this.

  5. Candy - Glad it's not just me.
    Christine - You are right. I am realising just how much I have to work on to change things. I feel determined by that though rather than over-whelmed.