About Me

I am a 33 year old mum of two who has spent her entire teenage and adult life struggling with her weight. I am not going to struggle with it anymore. I am in charge!

Sunday, 17 April 2011

The list of excuses is long

Actually, scrap that make it 'The list of excuses WAS long'. I am not going to make excuses anymore. I am seeing them for what they were. So the excuses I have used in the past are, in no particular order, drum roll please.....

But I like and enjoy food so much - Yes OK, so food is great. It can taste delicious. But eating as much as I was my enjoyment of it was starting to shrink rapidly. I had started to notice I was eating things at the same time as thinking "eating this is just adding to my growing weight". That led to me feeling bad afterwards. There wasn't much liking or enjoying going on anymore.

But I have PCOS, it's harder to lose weight when you have PCOS - Now that may be true but harder doesn't mean impossible. It just means it takes a bit more effort on my part. And PCOS symptoms get worse the more extra weight you carry. So carry on as I was and the things I really dislike about the symptoms I experience are just going to get worse and then I get more miserable.

But I have tried so many times before and it doesn't work - As I am starting to realise some of the things I have tried before just didn't work for me. If I go really strict on myself I feel deprived as I've said in previous posts. So yes I could lose weight faster in the short term if I went on a really strict diet. But when I start to feel deprived I sneak extras in and before I know it I am right back where I started (or worse).

But I don't like diet food - Now I do fall into the camp of believing that 'proper' versions of food are far better for you than low fat adaptations. That means that I don't buy low fat spread, low fat cheese, semi skimmed milk, low fat yogurts etc. What never computed in my head before was that just because I only do 'full fat' doesn't mean that I have to eat so much of them.

But I hate exercise - This is true. I don't particularly enjoy it. In equal measures that is because it's hard and I feel very self conscious doing it. Hard, I am realising, because I never do it. Self conscious because I don't look like the sort of person who should be doing it. That is in part because I have an image coloured by having a Daddy who has forever been a runner, in fact he is doing the London marathon today and a husband who competes in triathlons and the like.So the people they are often around are whippet thin and live for activity. Now the hard part isn't going to get any easier unless I start doing it. And the self conscious part ... well I guess I just have to get over myself. I am starting in my living room but I aim to build up to being able to go out running. I enjoyed that at school.

But I don't want my children to be aware of me dieting - I hate that 'thin is beautiful' is so out there as a message. I hate that children are being fed the message that there is Good food and Bad food. Not in my house there isn't. But how on Earth does it then make sense for me to stay fat, wobbly and unhealthy?! That message is no better. Now we don't do vacuous TV programmes, we have no TV so we don't watch that stuff. They don't go to school so the lessons they learn about healthy eating are from us and their friends. Oldest child is strongly of the opinion that all food is fine as long as you eat lots of different foods. (Not sure how I have managed to instill that in her without listening to myself for so long!!!!).

So there are a long list of BUTS. And they have all led to me having a much bigger BUTT than I would like. I am kicking the whole lot out. No more excuses. No more trying to make myself do something that doesn't work for me. No more hoping that I am going to wake up one morning looking the way I would like. It just isn't going to happen. What is going to happen is this....

I am going to enjoy food. I am not going to eat so much of it that I feel rubbish either emotionally or physically.
I am going to work with the PCOS. I don't like the extra hair, the haywire periods and the random spots. I might be able to reduce those things with being more sensible about my food. It might not make any difference. But I will have tried and I sure as heck won't find out without doing that!
I am going to do what works for me. I am not going to follow someone else's diet plan.
I am going to eat real food. I don't have to smother dessert in cream to enjoy it. If I have cheese I don't have to eat a whole block of it. It isn't going to suddenly get taken off the market! I don't have to have thick layers of butter on toast/sandwiches. Who knows I might even be able to taste the rest of my meal.
I am going to find exercise that works for me. Right now that is 30 day shred in the privacy of my own living room. There are swimming pools nearby and I love swimming.  As soon as I am brave enough I am going to start going. And I will start going running. I'm not setting myself a deadline on that right now. I need to figure out how to make that work for me.
I am going to set my children a good example. The healthy example of how to eat that I think children should see. Not the lessons their friends get in schools or the rubbish way of scoffing everything I could get my hands on. Neither extreme is good.
I am going to make this work for me. I am going to be happy that I am doing my very best to be healthy.

Sorry about the colours by the way. I am always telling my daughter when she gets upset at making mistakes in her work to take those mistakes (rain) add a bit of sunshine (her) and make a rainbow (the right answer). I make no apologies for having a Cinderella outlook on life. :oD


  1. lessofme,

    I was reading your "excuses" and they sound a lot like mine. I think we are definitely on the same boat. I was recently diagnosed with PCOS, hate exercise .. love food and dislike diet food very much. FYI: I'm going to follow you on your journey, because I think I need the encouragement that you seem to be reflecting. It's so hard to do this without support. I look forward to your posts.
    Luv, Nik

  2. The PCOS diagnosis for me came after 18 years of going to the doctors (and being taken by my Mum in younger days) saying something isn't right and being fobbed off. I was glad to have it confirmed but it is a huge pain in the backside! Thank you for the support. Starting this blog has made a massive difference to being able to keep it up for me.

  3. Wonderful post!Its great to get rid of the "buts" we have and after awhile when there gone you feel amazing!And i love the rainbow :)

  4. You are so on the right track here. You are doing a great thing to document how you are feeling at the start of all this. And so many things I can relate to. Love your thoughts on food and dieting. Food really does taste better as I have learned to eat in moderation and take the time to truly enjoy it. You are in the right mindset here.