About Me

I am a 33 year old mum of two who has spent her entire teenage and adult life struggling with her weight. I am not going to struggle with it anymore. I am in charge!

Saturday, 30 April 2011

30 day shred just made me cry

Not because it hurt (although it did a bit), not because it was hard (although it was, a lot!) but because I got to the end of level 3 and just blubbed. I think it was a combination of not being able to quite believe I had done level 3 and the fact that I feel a bit guilty for having wasted so many years of my life.

I like that my body is changing. I like that clothes I used to wear because that is all that would fit are now big enough to look a bit ridiculous. I like that I can feel my muscles getting tighter. I like that clothes that I was squeezing into a few weeks ago are now fitting really nicely (and in some cases are verging on being too big).

I don't like that I have spent so many years, my whole adult life, letting myself be the way I am working so hard to get away from. I can't change the past though so wiping my tears and snotty nose on one hand and mopping my sweaty brow with the other (I have standards ;op) I am making a promise that this time I am sticking with it. I AM getting there this time. I AM NOT going back.

My husband started to comment last night on the fact that there is a lot less of me than there was a few weeks ago. He stopped himself and felt really guilty. He loves me no matter what and strangely enough thinks I am sexy regardless of how I look. It took a lot to convince him that he doesn't have to not appreciate the changes. He knows, better than anyone, how many times I have started trying to make changes to my body/self/way of eating/exercising. He also knows better than anyone how many times I have given up on it. I think he was worried about the effect it would have on me if he said how good I look and then a few weeks down the line I end up back where I was. How bad is that. This most wonderful man feels that if he says something good that it is going to make me feel bad if I don't succeed. Another reason to stick with it I think.


  1. This is definately an overwhelming thing to do at times. That's why sooo many of us stop and restart. Its great that you're so determined this time. And tell you hunnie to keep the compliments coming! They go a long way in helping to fuel your determination.

  2. I can so relate to suddenly feeling emotional at times during this journey. One day, after I had lost 40 pounds, I looked in the mirror and imagined strapping a 40 pound bag of dog food onto my back and walking around with that. I couldn't believe I had allowed myself to have that on my body for 15 years. I knew it was related to the stress that comes from my biological nuclear family. I felt as if I had been literally carrying their crap around on my body and I was so struck by how ridiculous that was for me to ever have done.

    So glad for you that this time it feels right and you are ready and willing to do the hard work. So great that you are already having meaningful results!

  3. HUG Dont worry about the past you are doing it now.What a wonderful husband you have.Im so glad your seeing results and can see whatyour hard work is accomplishing!