Not because it hurt (although it did a bit), not because it was hard (although it was, a lot!) but because I got to the end of level 3 and just blubbed. I think it was a combination of not being able to quite believe I had done level 3 and the fact that I feel a bit guilty for having wasted so many years of my life.
I like that my body is changing. I like that clothes I used to wear because that is all that would fit are now big enough to look a bit ridiculous. I like that I can feel my muscles getting tighter. I like that clothes that I was squeezing into a few weeks ago are now fitting really nicely (and in some cases are verging on being too big).
I don't like that I have spent so many years, my whole adult life, letting myself be the way I am working so hard to get away from. I can't change the past though so wiping my tears and snotty nose on one hand and mopping my sweaty brow with the other (I have standards ;op) I am making a promise that this time I am sticking with it. I AM getting there this time. I AM NOT going back.
My husband started to comment last night on the fact that there is a lot less of me than there was a few weeks ago. He stopped himself and felt really guilty. He loves me no matter what and strangely enough thinks I am sexy regardless of how I look. It took a lot to convince him that he doesn't have to not appreciate the changes. He knows, better than anyone, how many times I have started trying to make changes to my body/self/way of eating/exercising. He also knows better than anyone how many times I have given up on it. I think he was worried about the effect it would have on me if he said how good I look and then a few weeks down the line I end up back where I was. How bad is that. This most wonderful man feels that if he says something good that it is going to make me feel bad if I don't succeed. Another reason to stick with it I think.