About Me

I am a 33 year old mum of two who has spent her entire teenage and adult life struggling with her weight. I am not going to struggle with it anymore. I am in charge!

Saturday, 18 June 2011


I sat down last night to read through new posts on blogs that I enjoy and came across this. It really couldn't be better timed. The way I have been feeling lately has been very frustrating. It wasn't so much the list of reasons for losing weight that caught my attention as the bit about self-sabotage. I realised reading it that self-sabotage is just what I am on the verge of. I have been a bit lax with food. Not eating over the guide amounts on myfitnesspal but getting as close as possible. Where exercise is concerned I have been getting frustrated with lack of progress and haven't been enjoying it as much. I have a choice right now. And it would be a conscious choice because exercise has become something I do more days than not and being aware of the food I eat has been something that I have given thought to everyday for 12 weeks.

I decided reading that blog that I have to make that conscious choice NOW. Not wait until I tip over the edge and start gaining again suddenly realising that none of my clothes fit and I am back to where I was before. So my choice is this. Forget the c**p I wrote yesterday about giving myself a break. That is rubbish. That is a cop out. It would be a justification for slowly fading into the background and forgetting all about this blog and the last 12 weeks. Nope, that is not going to happen.
I choose to carry on with this.
I choose to start properly working at this.
I choose to need new clothes a few months from now because everything I own is too big.
I choose to be happier with what I see in the mirror.
I choose to keep going with teaching my body to run.
I choose to eat well.
I choose to not give up.

While it wasn't the reasons for losing weight that caught my attention it is important for me to be aware of why I am doing this.
I want to be healthier. I know that my health is affected by my weight and I know that if I don't do something now it will be more than a little niggle when I am older.
I want to be able to run around with my children rather than just watching my husband have all the fun. I can do this more now but want to be able to do it for as long as they can keep it up. 
I want to wear smaller clothes. I can now wear all but 7 items of clothing that I have from before I gained a whole heap of weight or bought to slim into. I want more.
I want to feel comfortable with what I see in the mirror. It's better now, there are actually things that I can pick out about me that I like. But there are also things that I despise. I know that some of those things could be changed by removing the layers of fat.
I want to not feel like hiding my body from my husband. I want to enjoy moments with my husband instead of thinking about what bothers me about me.
I want to set a good example to my children. Bookworm loves nothing more than to sit and read. I was the same at her age. She is fine at the moment but as she gets older that won't be the case. I don't want to be thinking 20 years from now that if I had set a better example she wouldn't be struggling with weight.
I don't want to feel like a fraud when someone says 'wow you've lost loads of weight'. I don't want the next time I see them to be the unspoken 'yes but I've gained it all back'.

I want to thank Need to get me back for writing the post she did. I needed to read exactly that. The timing couldn't be better. I am off to have my breakfast now. Have a good day and enjoy whatever you do.

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