About Me

I am a 33 year old mum of two who has spent her entire teenage and adult life struggling with her weight. I am not going to struggle with it anymore. I am in charge!

Wednesday, 25 May 2011


I could come and write about how happy I am that I have lost weight every week for the last 8 weeks. I could come and write about how my fitness levels have increased drastically over the last 8 weeks. I could talk about the fact that I am actually loving exercise.

All of that is true but in talking about those things I would be glossing over the fact that I have sat down this evening and eaten an entire Green and Blacks caramel bar myself. I had even gone as far as making sure that it would fit within my calories/fat for the day. How stupid is that?! Nice one, yes it fits in with calories/fat for the day but it's not in anyway a smart choice.

I have always been a huge chocoholic. We are talking anytime of the day bring me chocolate and I will eat it. Favourite breakfast - Pain au chocolat. Lunch - Must be finished off with something sweet. Dinner - See lunch. Snacks - A nice bar of chocolate will go down well. And yes on a lot of days that would have all occured in the same day.

Over the last 8 weeks I have eaten less chocolate than I would normally have eaten in half a week before. Have I missed it? Yes, a bit. Did it bother me? To begin with maybe but I have got used to it. Do I feel better for not eating so much of it? Yes, definitely.

So why on Earth have I just sat there and demolished a whole 100g bar of the stuff? Honestly. I felt like I have done so well and it was about time I treated myself. Yeah, nice one. A real treat. Now my mouth feels all clagged up with sugar, my stomach is cramping a bit and I feel stupid.

Next time I feel like this I need to come and read this, especially that last paragraph. If I'd stopped at a few pieces I wouldn't be feeling like this right now. I'd be thinking, 'that was nice. And I ate a sensible amount'.

While I am at it I predict a sugar low headache in the morning so if I am reading this back to myself at some point in the future in an attempt to remind myself why that bar of chocolate I am about to eat is a BAD IDEA think about that too. That ache that starts behind the eyes and doesn't shift for the whole day.

And don't forget the fact that you feel like you have let down all those people who have been telling you what a great job you are doing. (Sorry).

Until that this had been a good day. I had worked out doing the 45/50 minutes of cardio in Banish fat, boost metabolism. I had prepared everything I need for a busy day tomorrow. I was looking forward to a nice quiet evening by myself while my husband is out.

I am going to try not to feel guilty. I am going to feel everything and be aware of everythng that chocolate brings me. First though I am going to go and clean my teeth because right now my mouth feels absolutely horrible.

If you are reading this and contemplating doing similar later then learn from my experience and don't do it! Enjoy a little bit and leave it at that.


  1. Really, you mustn't be too hard on yourself. We all have moments of 'falling of the wagon', but the trick is to get right back on. And the fact that you are already 'autopsying' this situation and learning from it- Bravo!

  2. I know you feel bad about it but the good stuff is you admitted to it,acknowleged how you feel about it,and it could have been so much worse.Dont be so hard on yourself hun its great you have a grasp on it.

  3. Thank you. I am finding it a bit tough again right now. I think TOM is on the way so sugar cravings are running high.