After my post yesterday I decided that having given some head space to what is going on with why I am stalling it would make sense to go through the reasons I highlighted and start making a plan for changing and getting back on. So here goes.

I have become complacent.
This has two parts to it really. The food part is that I have stopped planning stopped tracking everything. The exercise part is that while I have still been doing it I know it means I can eat a little more and not gain (much). I am not ready to stick where I am. If I stay the way I am with food and exercise that is exactly what will happen. Resolving the food part is so simple all I have to do is sit down for an hour once a week and plan a weeks meals. That and logging everything I eat again. The exercise part isn't a big deal but I know that if I stick with what I am doing I will not only continue to get stronger and fitter but getting the food bit back in check will mean that I will get back on that journey to losing weight as well.

I don't want to be noticed because my clothes are baggy!!!!!!
Well I sure as heck don't want to go back to sitting in the corner and occasionally being noticed because I am turning into a blob. I know that doesn't sound nice but please know that this is not how I see other people. It is purely how I saw myself 6 months ago. If I think back to then my mind is not a happy one. So as for this bit I will just have to suck it up and trust that when the time is right life will bring smaller clothes, or the funds to buy them, my way.

My head still thinks of me as where I was 5 months ago.
Part of me wishes I had kept just one of my big outfits. If I had I could try it on and see just how much difference there is. But I didn't so tough luck. I do have some photos that I took last time round which are about where I was when I started this time. If I dig those out, take some new ones and stick them somewhere (probably inside my wardrobe) that I will see them often as a reminder of how much I have changed.

I am scared of everything changing back to how it was.
This is where I just need to grow a pair really. The only way that is going to happen is if I let the current state carry on and change back to doing nothing and eating the way I used to. I think the first solution of planning and tracking should take care of that.

I am worried about what to do when I get there.
Well this one is kind of pointless to worry about at the moment. I am not there so I don't know what approach I need to take once I am. I won't know what it is like if I never get there. So my plan is
1) get there first
2)decide if I like it
3) if the answer is yes then work out how to stay there, if the answer is no then I can always eat a bucket load of food, stop moving my massively smaller butt and head right back up there to 12/13 stone +.

So this is where I go from here;

Sit down for an hour once a week and plan a weeks meals and log everything I eat. One other thing with food that I know is that I have let too much chocolate back into my day. That first week needs to be very low on sugar to get my body used to eating it little and very occasionally.

Trust that when the time is right life will bring smaller clothes or the funds to buy them my way.

Dig out some old photos, take some new ones and stick them inside my wardrobe

I am not going to post a weigh in this week. I know that I have gained half a pound since last week, I know that is because while the children are away the parents are eating out more while we get the chance, if I post it here I will head into beat myself up mode. They come home on Sunday so while it smacks of 'the diet starts Monday' I am going to plan a weeks meals from the point they come back. I will weigh in as normal next Wednesday and take what is thrown at me after this weeks relaxed eating.