About Me

I am a 33 year old mum of two who has spent her entire teenage and adult life struggling with her weight. I am not going to struggle with it anymore. I am in charge!

Friday, 29 July 2011

Finding a new target.

I am hovering at the moment. My weight is hovering up and down between 11st 3 1/2lbs and 11st 5lbs, body fat between 34% and 36%, food to stick at just about those figures and exercise is hanging in there at about 4/5 times a week. That has been fine for a while. I have been ok with just sticking at those numbers.

In 9 days I will be doing my first 5k race though and I want to start thinking about what I am going to do after that. I don't want to make any major changes before then because my body seems to be working quite nicely as it is. But I know that 11st 4lbs isn't where I want to settle at.

I also know that if I don't decide what I am going to do afterwards soon that there is a pretty good chance that I am going to just gradually let things creep back to the old way. Of everything that is the one thing I don't want. I need to take charge of it and get a head start on it.

I think one of the first things I am going to do is set myself up on another 30DS full 30 days. I will start it on 15th August as that will fit in nicely with a few other plans I have and will finish the day before one of my weigh ins.

While I am doing it I am going to continue to run at least twice a week. I am not going to try to increase the distances at all while doing 30DS everyday. If it turns out to be too much then I plan to run instead of 30DS on those two days.

I think I need a short term target as well. I don't do well with long term ones. So I need to pick some dates from my diary and set a weight target from them. The end of August works quite nicely being a Wednesday so I will have that as my day. I am not going to give myself a specific weight to aim for by then but I am going  to set myself the target of weighing under 11st. That should be do-able. It gives me 4 1/2 weeks to lose 4 1/2lbs.

I've said before in my blog that I wasn't going to set specific goals this time around because in the past when I have done that it hasn't worked well for me. At the moment I feel like I need them. I am happy for the weight to come off slowly. For the last few weeks I have been happy to maintain around the same point but that is coming to an end. Time to get back on the journey.

Wednesday, 27 July 2011

Weigh in

Weight - 11st 3 1/2lbs- A loss of 1/2lb since last week making 19lbs loss total.
Body fat - 35% - No change since last week/5% total loss
No change on chest/hips
1/4in lost from my waist making 4 1/4in total loss.
I wasn't expecting to lose anything (weight or inches) this week so to see losses on weight and waist was great. I am so close to weighing less than my husband. Crazy goal but for such a long time now (about 12 years) I have weighed more than him. Anything up to 4 1/2 stone more. He is 6 inches taller than me so it shows. So no matter how crazy that is my next goal. To weigh less than my husband. His weight varies depending on how much triathlon training he is doing. At the moment he is in a not training much state which means he is at the upper end of his normal weight. In another 4lbs I will be less than him (unless he starts full on training again before then in which case I am frying all his food and making him eat cake after every meal!). The lower end for him is about 10st 7lbs. Once I have got to less than his current weight I will be aiming for that as my goal before moving on to the next one. 
I ran last night. I was going to swim but while Bookworm had her lesson I took Hyperboy swimming. I really didn't want to have to get back in my wet costume after getting dressed to hand children over to my husband to take home so decided to head straight home then run. I covered just over 4km in 26m 15s. I felt so good about that. It was 2 minutes faster than the same distance last week. The last part of my run is a long incline and my legs just won't do that at the end yet. I covered the whole 5.12k route from home to home in just over 33m with only 4 minutes of walking. Go me.
I have 1 1/2 weeks to go until the 5k I have entered.When I entered it I had an aim in my head of completing it. Once I realised I was definitely going to be able to do that I decided that I would be happy with being able to finish it in 45 minutes. As I realised that was going to be easily do-able I decided that I am aiming for running the whole thing. While I haven't quite covered that distance yet I really feel that I can and if I can do it in under 35 minutes I will be over the moon. I find it much easier to keep on running when I have someone to follow. Last night if you were running round my local park with your other half you may well have had a heavy breathing, red-faced woman following you for about 1k. I'm not a scary stalker person, I was just using you ahead of me as my focus so I could keep going.
Food is still a bit up and down at the moment. I start each day with the intention to eat right but I am finding it hard to keep away from chocolate and cakes. The only reason I am still losing is because of the exercise. I know that I will get back to the state of having the eating going right but for now I have set my weight loss goal on myfitnesspal at maintaining. I may not be able to stick at the losing goals right now but there is no way I am reversing back up the road away from what I have achieved so far. The place I have reached for now is too damn nice to throw it all away. 

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

I don't care if clothes sizes have changed

I have heard so many people say that clothes sizing has changed. It is undoubtedly true. They also vary hugely between shops. I probably should care because it means that a size that fits me now wouldn't have fitted me 20 years ago. What I am more interested in is why I don't care.

I don't care because I am more interested in how it fits me than the number on the label. In my draws/cupboards I have clothes that range from a UK10 to a UK 18.

The 10 is a cover cardigan that my Mum bought for herself and decided it didn't work on her because she has no butt. As she so beautifully put it "I bought this and the sizing comes up really big. It doesn't suit me because my bum is flat but yours is..... um, er. Well try it on and see what you think. If you like it you can have it". She has a way with words as you can see. Anyway I tried is on and it looked really good so I kept it. Now I could be all woohoo because something in a 10 fitted me. But I'm not fussed either way. It looks good and let's face it there is no way that with these boobs I am a 10. Not sure what the shop were thinking when they sized it but they were way off.

The 18 is a tight mock wrap top that I bought years ago and never wore because it made my middle look huge. Now it fits just nicely and doesn't look crazy. I could be all boohoo (see what I did there!) about the fact it is an 18 when most of my other clothes are a 14 but I'm not. It looks good and lets face it with these boobs certain things are just not going to get round them at less than an 18. It just means I have to be sure to try things on because what fits on the boobs (which measure 42in round) isn't necessarily going to fit on the middle (which measures 35in round). Incidentally the boobs are now smaller than the middle was 4 months ago.

One thing I do know is that my body has shrunk massively over the last 4 months. I know that without doubt because;
Clothes that were as tight as it gets before they didn't do up have had to go because they are way too big.
Clothes that just about did up are now too big but just about hanging in there (with the aid of a belt!) and some of them have had to go
Some things that I bought recently when they fitted nicely have had to go because they stopped fitting really quickly.
Clothes that didn't do up now fit nicely.
Clothes that weren't even going on let alone doing up are now doing up and almost fit.
Clothes that I haven't worn for 10+ years have had to come back out of the cupboard.
I had two sacks of 'too small' clothes stashed. I now have 3 things left that are still 'too small to do up' and 3 things in my wardrobe that are nearly there. It gives me such a buzz that before I know it they are going to fit and I am going to have to be buying more new stuff because everything else is swamping me.

There is only one thing I am gutted about never fitting me (not that I was going to wear it again anyway but still..). I am now 14lbs lighter than I was when we got married. That means my wedding dress would be big on me. S'ok though. The marriage is still there and if I keep putting the same effort and belief into my journey with weight loss then I will get to where I want to be.

Thursday, 21 July 2011

My poor legs.

I had a good idea this morning. After dropping Hyperboy off at playgroup I said to Bookworm "Do you fancy a bike ride?". "Ooh yes". So she got her bike out and herself ready and I got my running things on. We set off and the plan was my 5 (ish)k route. Cross the road and while she cycled I started to run. I carried on running for 28 minutes. Take that Michelle of a month ago who was bitching about not being able to run for 3 minutes. After 28 minutes we reached the point where the journey home starts to go uphill so I walked from there.

How amazing did I feel when we got home? Pretty darn good. At that point I knew I had run for 28 minutes but I didn't know what distance I had covered. So I got on to womensrunninguk which is where I have been tracking my running progress and plotted the part of the journey I had covered. 4.12k. 4.12k. I was amazed. So close to 5k. Close enough that if I had a finish line ahead I feel like I could force myself to carry on running (barring illness/injury/natural disasters).

A little while later I had another realisation. My longest run until this morning had been 23 minutes. I had added 5 minutes to that this morning. I know you could have done the maths but I like saying it. :oD

Fast forward to now, 8 hours later and my legs are very tired. My left hip is a bit sore but not too bad. I went out this morning hoping to do a couple of 10 minute blocks. I did 30DS level 1 yesterday and I really kicked butt so the body was already tired.

Yah boo sucks to the weight I have lost, the times I went out running and was struggling a few months ago. I am a runner.

Wednesday, 20 July 2011

Weigh in

It's been a strange week. My head is still all over the place and I have been trying to take things one step at a time. Instead of thinking about the whole week I have just focused on the right here/right now. I haven't been able to get out and exercise as much as I would like because Bookworm has kindly shared a cough that she brought back from our camping holiday. Most of my eating has been ok but I am not making the best choices all the time. I'm not going to pressure myself about it but I am making sure I am aware of it. If I am making choices with food that aren't so good I am making sure that I am fully aware of them.

Today seems like the first time in a while that I have been able to do a proper weigh in on the 'right' day.

Weight - 11st 4lbs- A loss of 1 1/2lbs since last week making 18 1/2lbs loss total.
Body fat - 35% - A gain of 1% making 5% loss total. (Fine with that because 2 weeks ago it was 36%).
1/2in lost from my chest.
1/2in lost from my waist.
It's time for other measurements too so; 
Left bicep - 12 2/8in -no loss over 4 weeks/1in total.
Left thigh - 22in - loss of 6/8in over 4 weeks/2 7/8in total.
Left calf - 15in - loss of  2/8in over 4 weeks/6/8in total
I would like a bit more toning to be happening so I am going to start doing 30DS more often. My body is more used to running now so on the days when I am not running I will 30DS.
On the subject of running this week on the journey home from dropping Bookworm off husband and Hyperboy came too. Husband set off at a heck of a pace with Hyperboy on his bicycle. I kept up and was kind of pushed along. When I got home I was puffing and panting and was completely spent. Initially I felt awful but had a light bulb moment this morning. Yes I had felt awful straight after but damn, I ran for 9 minutes straight covering almost a mile, recovered  within 15 minutes and felt later like I could go out again. 3 months ago if I ran for 1 minute I felt worse, took ages to recover and didn't feel like I could go out again for a couple of days. So I guess I can consider that a NSV.
The weight I have lost now means I have lost 10% of what I started at. Actually make that 10% plus 1/2lb. :oD. I am still having to remind myself that the stones part of my weight is 11. I have lost count of the number of times I have gone to put 12. It is strange to me to think that I will soon be having to remember to put 10 something! It is a big thing to me that I am actually knowing that I will be reaching that point. In the past I have 'hoped' to make the kind of progress I have (and will) so far this time. I haven't ever really known that I would achieve it though. Even though I am not completely focused on it at the moment I do 100% know that I AM going to achieve it.

Saturday, 16 July 2011

Not what I haven't done!

Yes that is confusing me too. But basically I decided I was going to come here and write about what I have done since Wednesday not come and moan about how bad I am doing. So here are my 'I haves'

I have... run twice.
Thursday night I did c25k week 5 run 3. I have plotted myself a new route because I was getting fed up with the route I had before. It was short enough that I was having to do it twice to fit all of c25k in and that was getting boring. My new route is far more public and has me passing a lot more people.
Friday night I went out just for fun. Yes the words 'Michelle', 'run' and 'fun' all came under the same category. I went out for the first time without my ipod and after 5 minutes walking I just ran. No timer, no company, no programme. I ran for about 13 minutes. I felt great afterwards because it's the longest I have run 'under my own steam'.

I have... tried to remember that this is a long journey not a quick fix.
I think I was starting to get a bit impatient with how slowly this is going. I could make it faster but that would involve very strict eating plans. I am not going down that road. So what if it takes me longer. I can take my time and I will get there.

I have...
Told pretty much everyone I know that I am running a 5k next month and a 10k next May. It's out there now. Everyone knows I now go running.

So it's a short list of haves but I am going to concentrate on those at the moment. The I haven'ts will get there. I will make sure they do.

Wednesday, 13 July 2011

The 'My head and body are both a bit messed up' weigh in.

It seems that at the moment I can talk the talk but then go off and do a very different walk. When I think it all through I know where I am going wrong and what I need to do to make it right. But putting it into action is a very different thing right now.

I am having a difficult TOM, it is always pretty messed up but I normally get some warning that it is on the way. There is no regularity to them at all. I have always been jealous of those people who say they have a 28 day cycle. Mine can be anywhere between 15 days and 42 days. This time BAM there it was, No warning, no indications it was coming. That messed with my head for a start, on top of that I spent all day yesterday tired, achy and more than a little spaced out. I was supposed to be seeing friends last night but instead I was in bed by 8.30pm. I feel more normal today but having weighed/measured my mind is playing with me.

I have gained 1/2lb this week but body fat was down to 34% (last week it was 36%). My measurements all stayed the same. I have recorded all the numbers but I am not going to (try not to) take them too seriously. I have TOM and my eating has been all over the place. I have no idea what is down to which part. Is the 1/2lb gain down to eating weirdly or TOM? Is the 2% fat loss down to my body retaining water with TOM or did I actually reduce body fat that much?

Next week when my mind/body have stopped screwing with me I guess I will get some answers. Until then I am going to try to get my head in the right place and keep it there. And keep being honest about how badly I am doing. I know that's not what a lot of people like to read in a blog about weight loss. I make little/no apology for that though. It's not an easy journey but I am sticking with it good and bad. Eventually this time I will get there.

Monday, 11 July 2011

Start as you mean to go on

That is how my day began. I came here and offloaded before having my planned breakfast. I followed that up with level 1 of 30DS. It wasn't in my plan for the day but I have kind of missed Jillian. I am still amazed at how much easier it is to do now than when I first tried it nearly 4 months ago. I huffed and puffed my way through level 1, not able to do it all and for the things I could do I had to work at the 'easy' level. Now I can put lots of effort in, not feel like I am huffing and puffing and do most of it at the 'hard' level. I know I am the one that has put the hard work into getting to this stage but Jillian Michaels definitely deserves some of the credit. In the unlikely event that I ever meet her I will let her know just how grateful I am.

The day has gone fine with food. I stuck to my planned meals/snacks and found it useful that we were out and busy for the afternoon because it meant there was no temptation to stray from it.

After dropping Bookworm off at Brownies I set off on my route home. I go the long way home and have been using it as a measure of progress with running. Tonight, for the first time, I ran the whole thing. The last time I did it I took 10m 55s and had to walk some. Tonight it took 9m 46s. No land speed records but I am very pleased with myself. I had initially planned that once I could do the whole thing running I would start adding some in but for now I am going to stick with the same distance and add some more once it feels more comfortable. I was huffing and puffing and very red in the face when I got home. I didn't care though. I had run the whole thing. About half of it is up hill too so another big plus there.

I am peckish now and in a moment I shall have a look at myfitnesspal to work out what to eat. I do still have some calories leftover from today so I will be able to have something without going over the target on there.

Don't write food plans on random scraps of paper.

Here follows a load of waffle, feel free to ignore but I need to offload.

Yes I planned my food for the weekend and then sat and planned a full week after that. The plan for the full week went on the fridge. It is still there now. I have put today's food into myfitnesspal along with the minimum exercise I plan to do today. The weekends food is a different matter.

I wrote meals and snacks down on a scrap of paper. On Saturday I stuck with it. I went for a run which became my second 20 minute run (I'm still finding it a little strange that I can now run for 20 minutes). Sunday arrived and I couldn't find my piece of paper. S'ok, I remembered what I planned for breakfast. After that it went way downhill. I couldn't find the piece of paper and 'other things' came up.

By lunchtime my husband had made a delicious smelling loaf of bread. So I used some of that to have with a cheese salad. Then I followed it up with one of the children's chocolate mousses. Excuse - They needed eating yesterday. WHAT? Yes it was nice but really, that was 10g fat I really didn't need.

In the afternoon I didn't have a nice healthy snack. Oh no, not me. I went for 3, yes 3, of my children's mini chocolate bars. Mini, that's ok. Um, actually no 1 would be ok. 3 = 318kcals/19g fat.

Dinner came and we could have had a nice healthy, plate of buffalo casserole or some thing. I had the buffalo steak to use. Clearly the only choice (in my lost list head) is a steak and ale pie, peas and roast potatoes. Hmm.

So looking at it there was nothing terrible about it. With a little bit of tweaking it would even be an ok day. BUT the lack of a little bit of tweaking is what is missing and makes all the difference.

I didn't exercise yesterday either. After the run on Saturday my legs were heavy and I was tired.

Ok so those are my excuses/reasons. STOP.

It is a new day today, I haven't lost my meal plan, my legs don't ache. I have no excuses. Most importantly I don't have 17 1/2lbs that I did have 3 1/2 months ago. Do I want it back? Do I ****! So my choices are that that there is no choice. I don't want it back and I am enjoying running. So my only option is eat well, move plenty, enjoy life.

Saturday, 9 July 2011

Must try harder

Not as in punishing myself, feeling guilty 'must try harder' but I can't take it for granted that after having a couple of weeks away from my path to where I want to be I am going to be able to just get right back on it. Our camping trip took food choices out of my hands a little and my activity levels were lower. I decided when I got back that I would get right back on it. Job done - NO. Have I planned my food like I said I was going to? No. Have I exercised as planned? No. (Although I did go for a run on Thursday night). Did I drink wine and eat chocolate on our first night home because it was good to relax? Yes. Have I continued to eat chocolate, and lots of it, daily? Yes.

It's another of those times where I have a choice. I can either go tough on myself and remind myself why I want to do this OR I can let it slide and end up right back where I started. I choose the latter. So far this morning I have planned my meals and snacks for the weekend and am about to make a start on the next weeks meals. In half hour or so I am going to head out for a run.

Since coming home and being so pleased about losing 1lb at camp I have already regained that 1lb. It's not welcome. I have no one to blame but myself. I do have until Wednesday for my official weigh in day to sort that out. The last two days are going to be consigned to the bin marked 'temporary blip'.

Thursday, 7 July 2011

Back to reality/normality

I said I wouldn't be around much for a couple of weeks. Over the last fortnight I have spent time with my family and have been off on holiday. The latter meaning that I couldn't check in here or at myfitnesspal to log food/exercise. When you are camping in a field, in the middle of nowhere, the internet isn't an option. Life is back to normal now though so I am determined to make sure that I don't let the last couple of weeks get in the way of my plan. In the past it would have been an excuse for forgetting all about eating well/exercising.

My view for the last week.

I was fully expecting to have gained some weight while camping. It was a group holiday where food was communal cooking/eating. I had decided that I wasn't going to fuss about eating. I knew there was a chance that options might be limited. I was very pleased when we got back to find that I had actually lost 1lb. I am now down to 11st 5lbs (159lbs). I was really surprised when I worked out how many pounds that was because it means leaving 160's. I am also 1/2lb away from losing 10% of my starting weight.

While I was away I didn't do much exercise. I did take my running things and did go for a run once. What I didn't get chance to come here and say was that on the morning we left I went for a run before setting off. I ran for 20 minutes without stopping. TWENTY MINUTES. I was buzzing when I got in. That was the 3rd run for week 5 of c25k. After the first run while I was away I messed up a bit and got myself a little dehydrated so decided to sort that out before attempting to run again. I didn't fancy the idea of passing out in unfamiliar country lanes. I have actually missed it though and am keen to get back into the routine again.

I now have a tent to air/dry out. It was beautiful the whole time we were there right up to the last night when it rained almost non stop all night. We didn't have the option of waiting a while to see if we could get it dry before heading home as we had something to get back for.

I am going to plan food for the next week so that I can just grab meals/snacks without thinking. I have shopping arriving today, thank goodness for online food shopping. :oD

NSV alert. My husband took some photos of me in a long skirt and vest top. I DON'T wear skirts and don't wear vest tops in public so to be wearing those in a group of 40 people was and NSV itself. But I looked at the photos last night and I didn't think how bad I looked. I was actually quite happy with the way I looked.

This is a very bitty post but then so is my house right now. I guess I should get started on the joy of unpacking.