Up and down

Mostly this is already getting easier. There have been a couple of things which haven't been so easy though.

I had a meal with friends this week that was a long standing arrangement so I didn't worry too much about that but I was sensible about the choices I made when it came to food. I am taking the approach that I am being very strict on myself most of the time. Given what I said in my last post about occasionally becoming frequently I am trying really hard to stay sensible about it though.

I know that life isn't going to always give me opportunities to follow a strict eating plan so have decided to look at it another way. Most of the time, normal day to day life, I am going to make sure I eat really well. When meals out, trips to visit friends, parties come up I am going to approach it from the following point of view.
1) If I have some idea of what food is going to be available the I can plan out in my head what to eat before I get there.
2) If I don't know what food is going to be on offer then I am going to plan carefully the days either side of and the day of the event. I will make sure that I am eating really healthily before and after. For the after bit I am going to plan a few days so that I don't go off track.
3) I am not going to be too hard on myself if I go somewhere and there is food that doesn't fit in with my planned way of eating. If I do that I know that I am going to end up feeling deprived. When that happens I know that I will end up eating junk to compensate over the following days.

I am also finding that breakfast isn't working too well for me. In theory it should be. I am eating eggs with something else (veggies and occasionally bacon). Now I know that this 'should' be a filling breakfast but it isn't really having that effect with me. I am trying to work out if it is in my head or if it is actually not working for me. In the meantime I am looking at different porridge options that aren't loaded with sugar. I know that porridge is something that works for me. I can eat it for breakfast and it fills me up and keeps me full.

I am quite pleased that although there have been a couple of downs I have been able to think clearly about them, identify the problems with them and start coming up with solutions. I am only 3 days in but I already feel like I have made a lot of progress.

A tough start.

So the beginning of this isn't easy. Yesterday I was hungry all day, I am not sure if it was real hunger or if it was just in my mind. I made myself make sensible choices but spent all day arguing with my body. It wanted sugar. I wanted to re-train it. I didn't have chance for breakfast this morning. A big mistake I know but I was genuinely too busy and we were running very late. So far that has been ok more through luck than anything else I think.

I know all the sensible reasons why I should be eating more healthily and getting my weight under control. They all make perfect sense. I know all the more emotional reasons like setting a good example to my children, being a healthier Mummy for them so we can enjoy every moment in the best way possible. None of that though prevents the fact that I enjoy food.

We buy fresh food, we cook from scratch every day (and that goes as far as bread, cakes, biscuits etc). It's not that we (ok I) eat junk processed crap. My biggest problems are I eat too much and too much of what I eat is sweet, cakey things. I love to bake and once I have done that I love to eat it.

For now I am giving my body a break from sugar. It needs it. I was running on sugar. Porridge with raisins and sugar for breakfast. Chocolate, cake or biscuit several times a day. Lunch followed up by something sweet. And of course dinner needs a dessert. So for a couple of weeks I am laying off sugar. I know from past experience that this is long enough for me to re-programme my body into not relying on it for energy.

After that I am going to have to control how much sugar I eat. I am not a believer in bad food/good food. A little bit of everything has always worked best for me. The problem is when I stop keeping that under control and the odd sweet thing turns into a daily sweet thing which then becomes every meal time and before I know it I am eating sugar almost every time I consume something.

I am blogging this because it gives me a chance to get my thoughts out of my head and has the added bonus that I will be able to see how far I have come.

So my starting point (when I am reading this back and thinking, "it wasn't that bad") is this...

You felt like crap because your energy levels were constantly going up and down like a yo yo.
You couldn't sleep properly.
Your clothes that looked nice when you bought them were straining at the seams.
You were grumpy because you knew that the way you were eating wasn't good but you couldn't be bothered to do anything about it.
You were beating yourself up because you knew that the way you were eating was setting a really bad example to your children. They are at the age where you can control what they eat all the time so for now it's all good. Another few years though when they are making their own food choices and have seen you eating junk it will be different. You don't want that.

How many first days can one woman have?!

I know lots of people can relate to this. I am starting the first day of a new plan to lose weight and get fit today. I am 12 stones and 8 1/2 pounds. The least I have been as a grown up is 12 pounds less than that and that was 2 1/2 years ago. I am sick of it. I want to do it but think I am also scared of losing weight. I don't know why. This time I want to get past that and be 'normal'. Here goes.....